fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
You're like the curious george of whores
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
