I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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