New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
