apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We had sex on a dog bed..