this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
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Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
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He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.