my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
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you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?