1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
