Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
