Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
