Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
