as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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