I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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