She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
