do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
