good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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