it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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