he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
