She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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