Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
