Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
