Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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