:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He? As in you personified your dick?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.