Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My balls are so social today.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
