Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
