he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize