Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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