fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
