My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
