dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
