dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
