When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
