The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
