Someone shit on the floor
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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