i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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