is your mom at the bar?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
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Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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