To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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