I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
