Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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