She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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