what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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