why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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