The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
