Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
