If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
