i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
