were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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