i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
