you traded sex for a burrito?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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