Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
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Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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