He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
