There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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