yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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