You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
