Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
