pop tarts are not kleenex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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