u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
