we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
