Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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