The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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