This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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