Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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