so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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