my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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