That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
