i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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