They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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