I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
