i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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