Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I FOUND THE LEGS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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