saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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