I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She's the barista slut.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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